Dear Ambassadors
By Doug Ferguson and Kate Husband
Dear Ambassadors,
Our circle is diverse in all kinds of ways, and this quarter we are in a quartet with a couple who are firmly at the opposite end of the political spectrum from us. Sometimes they say stuff that leaves us shaking our heads in disbelief. How do we coach a couple we disagree with so fundamentally? We’re afraid it’s going to get more and more awkward the closer we get to the election!
Signed,
Seeking Guidance
Dear SG,
The wonderful thing about CCC is all the really authentic communications we get to have with other couples. The trouble with authenticity is sometimes we don’t like what we hear! Our advice for how to respond is “it depends.”
Is what you are hearing a simple difference of opinion? If the feelings expressed differ strongly from your world view but contain no threat or malice from your perspective, then the best course is to stick to the coaching. If conversations are centered around world events, you need to redirect and focus on their declaration and commitments. If a couple repeatedly brings up divisive topics, acknowledge that you disagree with one another and ask to stay focused on Couple.
Remember, we are not building like-minded friend groups, but a community committed to joyful, fulfilled couples. We are lucky to share a common commitment to Couple to base our relationships on.
On the other hand, if what you are hearing is hurtful in some way, then you might need to speak up. Our politics can be deeply personal.
To get really personal, we have transgender kids, and if our coaches were speaking in a demeaning way about trans people, I don’t think we could stick to the script and carry on coaching. We wouldn’t feel safe and honored in our community. In a situation like that, we hope we could be direct and tell our coaches the impact of their words. We hope they would respond with empathy and respect, avoiding their politics and sticking to the coaching. We’re not out to change anyone’s beliefs (here), but we can share how those beliefs impact us and seek to honor what unites us rather than divides us.
If efforts at direct communication fail and political commentary is making you dread your interactions with your coaches, don’t wait and suffer. Seek direct guidance from your Source Quartet or an Ambassador couple. We’re here for you!
Doug Ferguson and Kate Husband are in the Michigan Without Borders Circle and are CCC members since 1993.