Q: My partner travels for work a great deal, and I am home with the kids. We sometimes feel so disconnected! How can we maintain our closeness while physically apart and with such different responsibilities?
Signed, Disconnected

A:  Dear Disconnected,
“The distinction 100%/100% was a game changer for us and can be for you,” say Steve & Francine Turtz, Ambassador Couple and member of the Executive Quartet. “Before learning and adapting it, we operated in the normal 50/50 way. We each had our own accountabilities, responsibilities, interests, intentions, and projects.”

“Though we were totally committed to each other’s success, Steve felt very alone out in the world, and I experienced the same in my world,” said Francine. “There would be an underlying feeling of separation and sometimes resentment for each of us not ‘knowing’ what the other was up to.”

The definition from our member guide of 100% + 100% = 100% Couple describes a unique way to hold commitments as Couple: each of us is 100% committed or “all in” for our Couple, and our Couple is 100% committed or “all in” for the fulfillment of our shared commitments as well as each individual’s interests, intentions, and projects. When individual intentions and projects become Couple commitments, Couple becomes a uniquely powerful space in which we can produce results and live fulfilling lives.

In your case, your partner is being 100% committed to your Couple even though they are not physically able to pack lunches. And you are packing lunches for your Couple as well as for your kids.

100% 100% is an energetic concept. It is not that each individual in a couple is going to physically take on what the other does, it is an ownership and commitment for what they are up to.

“When we understood what 100% 100% meant and started operating from this, the loneliness that we each experienced disappeared, and we gained an expansion of partnership,” said the Turtzes.

You might also consider that each member of a Couple can have particular strengths, and you can each contribute to couple projects or tasks according to your abilities and availability. “It’s not about doing one’s share (50%), but doing what you can,” says Francine. For example, your Couple may join a committee, but one of you is more knowledgeable about a topic, and so it makes sense that they will participate on calls, and one will watch the kids.”

“For our Couple, the 100% became more about each according to their means and not doing ones fair share, and it seems to even out,” said Francine.

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By Cathy Smith with contributions from CCC Ambassadors Francine and Steve Turtz