Dear Ambassadors


My partner is always the driver on our road trips, which I acknowledge and appreciate.

However, he is a much faster driver than I am, and sometimes I find that it makes me feel anxious. I have tried to bring it up in the moment, but sometimes I come across irritated and it doesn’t land well.

How can I approach this topic in a positive and effective way to make our road trips more enjoyable for all?

Thank you for your help,
Driving Us Crazy But Not Apart

First and most importantly, Driving Us Crazy But Not Apart, thank you so much for submitting your question for our very first Dear Ambassadors column. It takes a lot of vulnerability to request advice for a dance within your couple.

It probably will not surprise you to find out that disagreements in the car are pretty common. In fact, the topic of travel arguments amongst partners has been covered widely in publications such as Travel and Leisure Magazine, Psychology Today, Huffington Post and more.

Approaching this source of contention before even packing the car is key. Just like you would create a declaration for your quarter with Couples Coaching Couples, creating a vacation or travel declaration to keep you in couple while communicating your needs, could prove to be very helpful.

CCC Ambassadors Francine and Steve recommend using promises and requests to ask for what you want, while also being open to a counter-request.

Something along the lines of “when you drive faster than the speed limit/change lanes quickly/brake too fast, it makes me feel anxious, and I know that you would not intentionally cause me concern while we are together.”

Be fully prepared that a counter-request of “when you yell at me/grab the door/scream when I am driving, it makes me feel angry/stressed” could also be articulated.

CCC Ambassadors John and Karen agree that by expressing how the action makes you feel as opposed to criticizing the action when it occurs, it is easier to approach the dance in couple.

The most important thing is that these promises and requests occur before the trip. By having these conversations “when your couple is available and connected,” Francine and Steve note will be met with more acceptance and higher likelihood of being put into action.

Good luck on your future adventures, Driving Us Crazy But Not Apart. We are certain that this advice will position your couple to more relaxed and enjoyable trips down the road.


To submit your question for Dear Ambassadors, please email Rene Debelius directly at [email protected] for consideration.

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